It seems that when I NEED to write, I don't write, I can't write. I tried to write 3 other times & I just don't find myself being that honest; I can't find my voice. This past month's been a thorny one, one for the record books maybe. I've been reading voraciously. Dealing with your baggage in stages....well, its hooorrrsseeeshiiitttt......Everyday, in my head, from beginning to end, without interruption....exhausting. Everyday, my anti-matra...."I need to get outta here, I need outta here!"....anti-matra because its negative, its not productive. The matra should be, "Embrace today, life is now".
Now....fall is here. Well, today it snowed (mixed feelings), nothing to stick but close analysis of precipitation by an experienced eye, did result in unequivocal determination that snowflakes were in fact falling in our sky, over Midtown. I'm in a hole & I'm hoping that I don't get stuck down in it, that the snow doesn't close over me.
Winter is just over our mountains. I'm typically more active....its dark, cold, there's snow....all hours of the day so fuck it.....lets go play. In Alaska, this year, the little girl from Texas put her expectation of sun on the table & it only resulted in disappointment. Oh expectation, what a two-faced monster....two-thirds hope & one-third steadfast disappointment, recipe for disaster.....bummer dude.
I am not sure how things will play out. I have a sad light though; its a wise move, to stock up on serotonin.
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